guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
