I just saw a hot homeless man
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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