so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
