I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
