"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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