brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
