plz talk dirty to me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so much tequila, so little girl.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
