If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
