Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
