Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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