How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
