I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if only i could text you this smell
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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