You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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