im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
