I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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