Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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