i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
