and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
