She's JV to your varsity
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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