I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
