you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
