WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
