babies were throwing up all over the place
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's just like the Real World with babies
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
