I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
