the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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