i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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