A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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