you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
