Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
