Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
