EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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