if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
