So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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