just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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