i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
