If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
