She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
