I wish I could punch you in the face.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
