yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
