next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
