can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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