He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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