rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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