which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
