Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
