I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you had me at cake vodka
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
