Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
