The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The struggles of a small town man whore
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
