....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
