I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
