"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Randomize
