there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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