they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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