the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What a dumb baby whore.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
