Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
