found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
